Well for the people who think I am always kind, (Jenny-Lynn in particular has a worped perception of me). I was not kind to Ava on Saturday afternoon, and I do regret my actions now but in the moment I couldn't help myself. We had a busy Saturday, Granny and Grampa were down and we all went to Caroline's skating show. (Yes she shone in her too big boy skates, I hope she doesn't have great aspirations to be a figure skater. I don't think it is my thing. So hopefully this is our first and final year) The Jones' were also down and had a little holiday at the Ramada. So between skating performances we quickly drove to Lethbridge and went swimming. Ryan and Reuben stayed in Lethbridge for basketball and I took the girls back to Raymond. The skating show started at 7:00 and I was leaving Lethbridge just after 6:30. She wasn't first but I knew Caroline didn't want to have to walk in totally late. So I knew we had to hurry. (First rule with Ava, always allow lots of time to go anywhere) As we are leaving the hotel, she sees the elevator and wants to go for a ride. Thinking now I should have quickly taken her on a ride, but I didn't. I quickly said the elevator is for people who have rooms at the hotel and we had to hurry. I told her we were going to get a hamburger at Mcdonald's. By the time we were at the car she was having a major meltdown. So here I am carrying Margaret, the swimming bag and a screaming Ava. I don't have time to reason with a three year who I already know won't reason. I had to literally throw her into the car, numerous times until I figured out how to child lock the sliding doors. She sits in a booster seat, (I don't know if she is big enough but it wasn't worth the fight) so she wouldn't stay in the seat. We did not stop at Mcdonald's, I prayed I wouldn't crash and Ava rode like a crazy person all the way to Raymond. It wasn't just screaming and telling me she hates me over and over. It also included her throwing every thing she can find in the car at my head while I am driving. This included every sort of pair of shoes she had left in the car, which is usually a few since she always takes them off, every sort of article of clothing and the worst was probably the skates that came sailing at my head. We haven't had much sleep lately so lets just say I wasn't very patient. It was basically a yelling match between me and her and me grabbing her hair and trying to throw her in the back of the van so I could drive. Yes I regret my actions I was bit out of control myself and I was a bit too forceful and said things I probably shouldn't have. Some days I just can't deal with the meltdowns. The thing I took the most from this experience is that they tell you the first three years are they most impressionable and that scares me, I hope the positive will have overpowered the negative. I just feel like a really bad parent when I react so poorly to these run-ins.
I know this wasn't supposed to make me laugh but it did. Maybe you're just trying to make me feel better. Sometimes when I think of how I treated Henry it makes me sick so I know that bad feeling. I hate when I get physical with him. Maybe Henry and Ava were meant to be twins. At least you have an excuse. You're pregnant. For real, I was worse with Henry when I was pregnant. Now I have a baby who wakes often at night so I'm actually not much better. At least you're trying.
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